33 weeks

Oh you, this week you are definitely giving your papa and mama a run for their money.

I love you so much, but yesterday I was feeling so overwhelmed and tired and frustrated.

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You haven't been nursing very well lately, and on top of that, the last few nights were kinda horrible as well.

I'm starting to wean you at night, because our pediatrician said that you might be drinking your fill at night and that could be the reason you're on a breast strike during the day. She said you're old enough to sleep through the night without having to nurse.

So that's what were doing now, but it's not easy. 

The breastfeeding during the day is getting a bit better, but the nights, oof!

Usually if you woke up at night I'd let you nurse for a bit and then you would calm down pretty quickly. But now you have an hour each night, at around 2 a.m, that you wake up almost every ten minutes.

Last night I gave in and let you nurse for a few minutes and after that you slept until morning. Luckily you nursed again this morning, so I guess it didn't interfere too much.

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So, last night I was feeling pretty upset about how things are going, I was by myself because your papa had meeting at school and then he sent me a text, he told me to listen to a version of Psalm 23 on YouTube. It was exactly what I needed at the moment and you bet it had me crying my eyes out.

"The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. 

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, 

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."

I'm not saying that I'm walking 'in the valley of the shadow of death', that would be a bit dramatic, but I was feeling myself getting pulled into a dark place and it was so healing to hear these words. 

I don't have to do this alone. God is there next to me, he gives me peace and strength and comfort when I'm stressed out and tired and overwhelmed.

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I really hope things will get better soon! I know it's all part of raising a baby, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

But, my sweet little Micha-boy, even when things are hard I just have to look at your cute little face and suddenly everything is good in the world.

I don't know how you do that!

'are we done yet, mama?'

I love you.

Love, Mama