Bitter Sweet Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. 

My first Mother's Day as a mama. 

I got to sleep in, 

when I came downstairs there was a delicious breakfast waiting for me, 

and on my plate stood a card with the sweetest words written in it.

On the balcony was my present: a hanging strawberry plant, 

with little green fruits waiting to ripen into those sweet red berries I love so much.

At church we witnessed a baby being baptized, a sweet little girl, the youngest of six.

And I cuddled with my beautiful baby boy.

It was a day of blessings.

It was a beautiful day.

And yet...

something felt off. 

I just couldn't help but think of the girl I was the last few Mother's Days.

Yes, last year was a special one, I was almost a mama. 

My belly growing with a miraculous new life.

But the Mother's Day before that, and the ones before?

Those were so painful. 

I was a woman yearning to be a mama, 

and with every Mother's Day passing without a baby in my arms it got harder and harder.

Would I ever be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother?

Yesterday that dream came true. 

And it was beautiful, 

but also so bitter sweet.

There are so many women out there who will never see their dream of becoming a mother come true 

and my heart breaks for them.

I am the lucky one, undeserved.

Mother's Day will always be a day when I will remember that.


update: (because my mom is right, love her!) 
I feel so blessed, and I am so thankful to be Micha's mama.

Love, Maria