It's 10 a.m. and I'm still in my pajamas.
I've just folded a monster load of laundry and emptied the dish washer.
Micha is down for his morning nap, although it seems like he doesn't really need them anymore.
I put him in bed anyways, where he naps a bit and plays and chats for the majority of hour he spends there.
I think he likes the peace and quiet.
I make a cappuccino and cut a big slice of cake to eat as my second breakfast(what? it's a thing...), sometimes it's another bowl of cereal or a muffin, but today it's cake.
I hop behind my computer to catch up on reading blogs, write a post for my blog and if there's time I take a shower.
I imagine what others are doing, the people that hurriedly biked past my window this morning, while I was reading to Micha.
Are they in an important meeting, or teaching children how to spell?
Are they prepping for surgery or drinking their fourth cup of coffee of the day during a much needed break?
And while I think about their lives, I feel a little left out and maybe even a bit insignificant.
I'm not saving lives or having important meetings, I'm not teaching a classroom of kids, I'm not making lots of money to go on fun vacations or buy fancy clothes. I don't get a bonus or a 'thank you' for doing a great job or constructive feedback if I don't.
I'm 'just' a stay at home mama who will read yet another book because her toddler insists, wipes runny noses, does the laundry, makes sure there's enough food in the house, cooks the meals and does it all again the next day.
It seems so trivial and unimportant, and it frustrates me that it makes me feel that way.
'I can do more', 'I'm just as smart as you',' I went to college, you know', I want to tell people when all they see is a mama with a squirmy toddler.
And then I realize that I'm actually talking to myself.
I'm the one who sometimes sees being 'just' a stay at home mom as something less than having a 'real' job,
I'm the one who's judging myself, I'm the one who doesn't realize the importance of what I'm doing, here in my home, with my toddler.
So often I need to smack myself on the behind and tell myself that reading that bible story for the fifth time ís my important job, and that I'm not teaching a classroom, but one (and soon to be two) precious child(ren), and that that's enough for now.
My 'thank you' is an unexpected cuddle from Micha or his sweet voice calling for me through the baby monitor.
My bonus is a hug and a kiss from my husband at the end of the day. Or a fellow mama asking for my advice.
What I am doing may seem trivial to some, but to my child, to my husband, to my God, it's the most important thing I could be doing in this season of my life.
There will be other seasons in which I might have a 'real' job and be more than just a stay at mom, but right now I'll spend my time at home, with my son, and I'll do it with joy and pride and with a grateful heart.
And with a slice of cake.