An overwhelming, beautiful responsibility

The other day B. was putting up a shelf in our hallway after Micha had pulled it down.

Of course Micha, lover of all things noisy and technical, wanted to check things out for himself.

I plopped him down in his high chair in the hallway with a perfect view of the 'construction site', and he sat there perfectly content and so interested in what his papa was doing.

I watched as B. showed Micha all kinds of tools and even let him try some out, and I loved what I saw.

Right there in front of me was my husband teaching our son things he will someday learn to do by himself.

I already see it, Micha at eight building a tree fort with B. and my dad in my parents back yard, or him at sixteen fiddling around with his bike, or maybe when he's twenty-five building a home for his family.

// 

It's an overwhelming, but also such a beautiful realization that I get to be one of the lucky ones who will raise Micha and prepare him for life as an adult. 

I'm so thankful I don't have to depend solely on myself for this task but that I have an awesome husband to be my partner, a great big circle of family and friends for support and above all a God who will always make right the wrongs that I do.

I hope Micha will grow up to be confident and kind, generous, wise and loving to all.

And I pray he will know Gods love for him and love him back with all of his heart.

I can't wait to see all that is in store for my boy!

Love, Maria

a little bit of grace

I want to share some grace with you today. Because I know we all need it sometimes.

I don't know about you, but quite often I feel guilty for not spending more time reading the bible or praying, or just taking a minute to have some quiet time with God. 

I know I need to do it more often, but somehow, during my busy, baby-filled day, I just forget. 

And if I do remember it's usually a quick verse and a short prayer, and then it's back to doing dishes or laundry or blogging.

My life has become a lot busier than it was and when I have some alone time praying and reading the bible aren't the first things that comes to mind.

And I feel guilty about that.

But then I read this sentence in a post on Jami's blog: 

(go read her blog, she's such a genuine and godly woman, and one with a sense of humor too)

"there will be other seasons in life i'll get to study more deeply, but now is not that time."

There is just so much grace in this sentence, and I needed to read it. 

Not to ease my conscience, but to remind me that in this season of life there might be other priorities than studying the bible in-depth. 

And it's okay. 

Of course I want to live focused on God and quite frankly I need to, to be a good mama for Micha. 

But I need to give myself some grace too, and not beat myself up for not reading enough or praying enough.

Because right now my God-given priority in life is being a mama, with all the busyness and exhaustion (and all the fun stuff, of course..)  it brings. 

There will be other seasons...

Happy weekend!

Love, Maria

Brothers and Sisters

Every year during Pentecost weekend there is an enormous revival festival here in Holland for anyone who wants to praise God and meet other Christians from all over the country. 

It's a three day festival and about ten thousand people attended this year.

We had never been before, but because my parents were attending and camping close by the festival we decided to head on over and check it out on Pentecost Sunday.

I had never seen anything like it and was overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. 

So many Christians from so many different denominations, all together for one reason:

to praise our God.

^ ^ ^ ^

We sat in the grass in front of the big tent and listened to the thousands of people singing songs of worship, and sang with them. 

Micha crawled around and charmed the people around us. 

I didn't feel uncomfortable like I usually do when surrounded by so many people, I felt safe.

It didn't feel as though I was surrounded by strangers but by my brothers and sisters. 

All so different but with one beautiful thing in common. 

It was such a beautiful and powerful day.

Next year we'll definitely be attending again.

Have you ever experienced anything like this?

Love, Maria

a quiet afternoon

Not much to say today.

Just enjoying a quiet afternoon while Micha naps.

Maybe I'll take a nap myself, mmm, that sounds good!

^ ^ ^ ^

I'll leave you with this truth:

source

Have a great Thursday!

Love, Maria

Prayer

Yesterday evening at bible study we were discussing discipleship, and the question arose: 'Who are you discipling/mentoring?'

Some of us had searched for someone to mentor, others had people come across their paths, and I straight away thought of Micha. 

It is so clear to me that he is the one I need to be discipling right now. When we baptized him we made a promise that we would raise him in a God-filled family, and it is what I vowed to God I would do if he would give me a child.

Micha's baptism. September 2, 2012

At the moment Micha is too young to understand much. I read him bible stories before he goes to bed, but to him I could just as well be reading dr. Seuss.  

I also pray for him, and I pray with him. 

And when I pray with him it's not just a bedtime song, but we pray all throughout the day, we thank God for what he gives us, like food and health, I ask God to watch over Micha and fill him with His peace and love. 

I pray out loud so that Micha can hear what I'm saying, and even though he giggles at me when I pray and doesn't understand the importance of what we're doing, I hope that some day he will understand. 

And when that day comes I hope that praying will be his second nature. 

I want him to know that praying isn't just something we do before we eat a meal or go to bed or when we're in church, but that it is something he can do constantly and that he can pray about anything. 

Nothing is to small or to big for God.

I want him to have a personal relationship with Jesus.

^ ^ ^ ^

I also want Micha to see me praying too, I want him to know that his Mama loves Jesus as well and has a personal relationship with Him. 

And that's why I love what Emily wrote a few days ago, it was so eye opening to me:

" a friend mentioned something about how having our 

quiet times in the morning is great for us, but if that is the only time we ever read our bibles, then our children will never see us in the word. i don't want my kids to look back and have to wrack their brain to figure out when it was that i actually read the bible. so, if that is your time to be with the lord as well, make sure they know we read the bible...read it with them throughout the day. memorize scripture together. whatever it is that works for y'all. "

Isn't that so true? I love it!

My prayer is that God will give us strength to raise Micha to know Him and accept Jesus as his savior, we will definitely need it!

Love, Maria

Papa and Mama

Today I want to highlight my parents.

 I've mentioned it before on the blog, they live in Benin, Africa, and are there to help out the local churches with advice, training and education.

the wild things in Benin

They've been there for over a year now, luckily with a few visits to Holland in between, and they've done some really good work, but it hasn't been all fun and adventure. 

They've been through some difficult and scary moments. 

Moments that when I heard about them all I wanted was for them to come home. 

And of course they miss their children and grandchildren so much. 

Especially when hard things happen Africa is so far away! 

And sometimes it makes them feel like they shouldn't be there, but here with us, their children.

But I believe that they're there for a purpose. That God has placed them in Benin because he has great plans for them! 

And that doesn't mean that they should stay there no matter what, even if their hearts tell them to go back. No, it means that their time in Benin how ever long or short it will be will have meaning and will matter.

And that belief only gets stronger when I read my parents blogs about their life in Benin. 

My moms blog is in Dutch (which most of you probably don't understand),

but my dad blogs in English and I promise you it is well worth the read.

I'm just so proud of what they're doing and I love them so very much! 

And I know that God is there, right beside them, 

to help them and to give them what they need to do this special work. 

Will you pray along with me for my parents?

Love, Maria

me and my dad doing what we love, cooking and baking

my mom meeting Micha for the first time

Micha's first visit to my parents house here in Holland

His name

- this week it's all about Micha, who's 6 months old, hurray! -

I've always seen myself as a girls mama. 

Whenever I imagined life with a baby it would be with a little girl. 

She'd have my blue eyes and fair skin and her papa's dark brown, almost black, hair. 

I would dress her up in the cutest little dresses. 

Her name would be beautiful and feminine and sophisticated. 

I couldn't wait for her to happen.

We waited and prayed and went to hospitals and clinics for almost four years, and then, on a November day in 2011, it finally happened. We were expecting a baby.

But from the very first moment I had a feeling, you can call it a mothers instinct or just a guess, but I knew with my whole being that I wasn't carrying a baby girl.

This baby would not be a daughter but our son, and I was so excited.

All the dreams of pink and ruffles were swept aside and in their place came thoughts and visions of our son.

And his name would be Micha.

We agreed on that almost instantly. 

It was like we didn't even have a choice, 

that was his name, and that's what we would call him.

His name means 'Who is like God?' And it is so right and fitting for our situation. 

The doctors and specialists could only do so much to help us conceive a child, and we are so grateful for their knowledge and help, but they couldn't give us life. 

Only God could give us what we longed for, and he did. There is none like Him!

We experienced first hand how great and powerful our God is.

My prayer for Micha is that he may experience it in his life as well. I pray that his name will not only be just that, a name, but will be a constant reminder to him and to us that he has a great God who loves him so much!

And that little girl? She's so very welcome, if and whenever she decides to come. And her name will have a great meaning as well. I'm sure of that!

Love, Maria

p.s. If you have kids, what are their names? Do they have a special meaning?

Linking up with Casey

Little Sis

I grew up in a big family. There were seven kids, three older brothers, two older sisters, me 

and then my little sister, Hannah. 

Hannah and I have an age difference of  a year and a half, 

and as the two youngest girls we have always been together. 

Our bond is so special. 

(Not saying that my bond with my other siblings is less special, but today it's about Hannah.)

Doesn't Hannah (the blond one) look so much like Micha here?

Sister love!

We were each others playmates and allies against our older siblings. 

Our names would merge into one 'Maria-n-annah' when we were called in for dinner. I remember rebelling against that when I was a teenager.

We shared a room until our older siblings were leaving home and leaving their rooms for us to take over. We would sneak into each others room at night in the beginning because we couldn't stand sleeping alone!

Our bedtimes, toys and friends were shared, whether we liked it or not. 

Our mom dressed us in the same clothes, but always giving us a different color. For instance, Hannah would wear a pink shirt with blue shorts and I would be wearing a blue shirt with pink shorts. 

We looked adorable!

Bedtime prayers with mama

And when we would move to another city or country there was always a friend who would be there for us.

There were times that we would be adjoined at the hip, but also times we would fight like cats and dogs  

(probably about 'borrowed' clothing).

But our bond was unbreakable.

We were so lucky to have each other.

Best buds

Our teen years

And now that we're grown women our bond is still so strong. We both have our own lives, so different, but there's always room for each other. 

My wedding in 2006

Isn't she a stunner?

Shady ladies

And I'm so proud of Hannah, since she was a little girl she has wanted to be an archaeologist. We would be flipping through the pages of our huge pile of National Geographic magazines and she would point out to me, 'Look, this is what I want to do'. 

Few people can say that they're doing what they've wanted to do as a young child, especially if it's something as special as being an archaeologist, but Hannah can. 

And not only has she followed her dream and made it her passion, she's doing a fine job at it as well!

She specializes in Near Eastern archaeology and has been to digs in Syria and Jordan with her pink painted trowel.  

And she's able to look good at doing the dirty work as well! 

Not only brains, but also looks!

Pretty archaeologist

But I'm not only proud because of what she's achieved, I'm proud of who she is. She is a sweet, strong, beautiful (in and out) and patient woman, and she loves Jesus! 

I am so lucky to have you as a sister, Hannah!

Love!

I love you to bits!

Love, Maria

Linking up with Casey today!

Living with Hope

Every morning I receive a daily meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society on my email. 

For me it's a perfect way to start the day. 

So often I forget to open my bible and instead open my email, and then 'BAM!' there's a meditation right in front of me to help me begin my day with God. It's a good thing!

You can sign up for free!

My favorite bracelet

Today this is what I read:

'' Living with Hope

Optimism and hope are radically different attitudes. Optimism is the expectation that things-the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation, and so on-will get better. Hope is the trust that God will fulfill God's promises to us in a way that leads us to true freedom. The optimist speaks about concrete changes in the future. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands.

All the great spiritual leaders in history were people of hope. Abraham, Moses, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, Rumi, Gandhi, and Dorothy Day all lived with a promise in their hearts that guided them toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. 

Let's live with hope. ''

This has been such a truth for me in the past years. When we were struggling through infertility there was absolutely no reason to be optimistic a lot of the time, things looked so dark for us and we knew that our biggest wish might never come true. It was so hard not knowing what our future would look like. 

But there was one thing that kept us on our feet:  'Hope'.

Hope and trust in our God who knew what we were dealing with, and who would see us through, whatever the outcome. 

Optimistic, no, not always. But I never lost hope.

Love, Maria

A dream

I have a dream, 

I hope that,  if I expose him enough to baking and cooking,  Micha will one day become a great chef and have his very own restaurant and I'll have all the free haute-cuisine food in the world! Awesome huh?

Dream big or go home, I say!

Exposing him! You can't start young enough, right? 

Just kidding, he may do whatever he wants to do!

----

But seriously,  that dream is something I would love to come true for myself. Maybe not the whole haute cuisine chef part of it, but if I could and if I dared to, I would love to own a little baking business or maybe in the long run a quaint little breakfast place. 

Somewhere people could come and eat a delicious home cooked breakfast, have a good cup of coffee, read a good book and feel at home.

But somehow I just don't believe it will ever happen. I make excuses...

'We don't have the money', 

'I don't have the skills', 

'I don't have the time', 

'No one wants this',

'What if it doesn't work out?', 

'I'm not good enough'

These thoughts are holding me back, and the worst part is that a lot of them are true.
We have so much debt from student loans for a study I didn't even manage to finish. So how could I spend even more money investing in a business I'm not even sure will work out?

I heard this question a little while ago and it really made me think.

Wouldn't that be awesome, knowing that the things you set out to do will succeed?

I would attempt to do so much more than I'm doing now! Doesn't that say something?

Maybe I should live my life with a lot more trust and courage, because if I never try, I'll never succeed, right?

---- 

And doesn't the Bible even say something about doing things and succeeding?

source

I wasn't planning to make any New Years resolutions, but I guess I'll have one for this year.

To stop dreaming and start trying!

Love, Maria

p.s. what would you attempt if you knew you couldn't fail?

20 weeks

My head is full of the tragedy that happened in Connecticut. All of those little lives taken away to soon... Even though this horrible event happened an ocean away it's really hit home for me. I look at my precious baby boy and can't imagine the pain and the desperation the parents of the victims are feeling. My heart and my prayers go out to them. 

Dear Micha,

You are twenty weeks old today. I feel like I should stop counting your age in weeks and start counting it in months. You are growing up so fast, I can't believe it. 

The last few days I've been hugging you extra tightly, smothering you with so many kisses, sniffing up all your deliciousness and letting you snuggle up next to me at night without worrying if I'm spoiling you.

I want you to feel how immensely LOVED you are. I could not imagine life without you! 

Your papa loves you so much as well. He mentioned the other day how much he loves our morning snuggles, all three of us in our big bed. I love seeing you two interact with each other, you two have such a special bond! 

We hope you grow up to be a healthy, happy boy, but most of all we hope you will feel and know that you are loved. 

By our imperfect love and by the perfect, amazing love of your mighty God! 

Micha, 

we'll love you forever,

we'll like you for always,

as long as we're living,

our baby you'll be.

Love, Mama

'I am almighty. I am enough for you. 
Maybe you're doubting this at the moment, 
but just trust me' - God * 

Bam! There it is, exactly what I needed to hear today. Maybe you do too?

Love, Maria

* from 'Too Busy Not To Pray' - Bill Hybels