the big chop

Today is the day. 

It's time for the big chop. 

I've never been the person to always have the same hair style, I like change and sometimes I need it.

I've never gone super short(like pixie short), and I don't think I ever will, 

but I've had long straight hair down to my lower back, shoulder length, layered hair, a short blunt bob. 

And now, after sometimes enjoying and other times hating my long hair, it's time to say goodbye.

I'm going back to short.

I've been debating this decision for so long, 

thinking that if I chop it off there will be so much less I can do with my hair. 

Long hair can be worn down, or in top knot, braided or curled. 

Short hair is just short.

But, you see, even though I love all the possibilities long hair gives me, 

in reality I've been wearing my hair exactly the same for days, weeks, months! 

I just don't have the time or desire to style my hair differently every morning, so up in a top knot it's gone.

Until 4 p.m. today. No more top knots for a while on this head!

//

So, I've been scouring Pinterest, looking for inspiration, and this is what I found:

source: top ,bottom, middle, right

I'm not sure if I'll dare to go as short as the shortest hair style in the collage

(although that look is so pretty on her- p.s. don't you just love her on 'The Walking Dead'?),

and of course I'm no where near as photogenic as the models you see, but you get the idea. 

It's going to be a big, but very welcome change!

Can't wait to show you the results.

Wish me luck!

Love, Maria

the thing about social media

source

I was Skyping with my sister the other day and we were talking about social media and how looks can be so deceiving.

She told me how a friend refuses to go on Facebook because it only contributes to her feeling depressed, and I understand that. 

I remember when we were longing for a baby every pregnancy announcement or complaint about how hard pregnancy was, was to much for me to handle and I 'unfriended' quite a lot of  'friends' during that time.

It might not have been the nicest thing to do, but all those updates made me feel so inadequate and depressed. 

Social media can be tricky like that.

//

It is so easy to compare with someone else's seemingly perfect life and feel like my life is lacking. 

It's so easy to let negativity and jealousy rule my life.

But one thing I seem to forget all too often is that I'm comparing my life, my real life, 

with someones filtered life. 

The things most people share on social media are usually the highlights and the happy moments, 

don't forget that! 

No one wants to air their dirty laundry in public. And I think that's pretty normal. 

//

But for me, it is something to keep in mind. 

Not only when seeing others lives through social media, but also when sharing my own life. 

I want to be aware of how I come across and why I share certain things and keep other things to myself. 

I want to question my intention for posting certain things: 'Is it to make others jealous or am I honestly sharing my happiness/real life/the beauty around me?'

//

My life is far from perfect, 

I'm just another mama and wife trying to be the person God intended me to be,

sometimes it's a great life and sometimes life is hard.

But it's the life that I have received and I feel so blessed.

And I absolutely believe that social media can bring so much positivity, 

we just need to be more intentional and real about it, don't you think?

Love, Maria

He looks like us

One of the hardest parts during our infertility journey was the realization that we might never have a baby that  resembled us. 

My blue eyes and defined chin or B.'s dark hair and olive skin, 

my stubbornness or his precision, 

it would never be combined in a little human being we could call our own.

^ ^ ^ ^

I know that motherhood has little to do with genetics and DNA, 

it's not defined by that,

all there is really needed to become a family is LOVE. 

I truly believe that.

And to be honest, my vision of our future family changed over the course of time. 

I dreamed of holding a beautiful brown skinned baby, 

and I knew I would love him just as much as a baby with my own DNA, 

and I knew he would be mine and I would be his. 

We would be family, no matter if our genetics matched or not.

But still, there were moments when yet another treatment hadn't worked and the dream of pregnancy and motherhood seemed farther away than ever. 

In those moments I would feel a sense of loss and sadness that I would maybe never hold a baby that looked like me or his papa.

^ ^ ^ ^

But then our miracle happened, I got pregnant and gave birth to the most precious baby boy in the world.

And, boy, did he look like us. 

In the beginning he looked so much like his papa and now he's starting to resemble me more and more.

And his personality, I recognize so much of myself in him,  

his curiosity and mischievousness and his happy, (and yes) impatient demeanor. 

But also his papa's eye for detail (like being able to play with the wheels of his cars for quite a while)  and outgoing personality. 

It's all rolled into one perfect little package.

B. at 8 weeks, and Micha at 10 weeks

One year old me, and almost one year old Micha

It's just one of those things that makes me feel so, so blessed and grateful to be able to experience.

I can't believe my luck!

Love, Maria

linking up again with Casey today

Out and about

It looks like summer has finally arrived here in Holland. 

The temperatures are reaching the heights they should be for this time of year, 

and the sun has been showing her pretty face more often.

^ ^ ^ ^

Of course warm weather calls for warm weather activities, like splashing with water on the balcony. 

Micha couldn't believe his luck when I hauled his bathtub onto the balcony and filled it up with water. 

 

 

He was drenched by the time he was done playing.

^ ^ ^ ^

While I love our apartment with it´s little balcony, nothing beats enjoying summer weather on the go.

And now that I finally have a bike we venture out further than we have before.

On Sunday we went for a bike ride to a nearby pond/ lake and B. did a little photo shoot of me and Micha with our new camera.

^ ^ ^ ^

Yesterday, after we went out for some ice cream with friends, Micha and I visited a local petting zoo. 

Micha bonded with a curious little baby goat, I overcame my germophobia and let him pet the goat. 

It was just too cute. I had to take some pictures with my phone.

(when we got home I washed his hands reeaaal good)

in awe of the goat

too much cuteness

^ ^ ^ ^

This afternoon we´re heading over to friends for a BBQ and some lounging in the sun.

All these summer activities are making me so excited for the summer holidays, I can´t wait!

B. still has four more weeks of teaching to go, hope they´ll fly by.

How are you filling your summer days?

Love, Maria

My favorite week of the year

I always feel so blessed and lucky to have my birthday in May. 

It's my very favorite month of the year,
spring has just arrived and the world becomes alive again,
there's a feeling of happiness in the air because of all the newness and life of this beautiful season. 

The sun is shining, 

the trees are blooming, 

the birds wake us up in the morning with their sweet songs 

and the weather is perfect, not too hot or too cold. 

On top of all that my birthday falls in between two national holidays we have here in Holland, 

'Queens Day' and 'Liberation Day' (the day we remember and celebrate that Holland was liberated from the German occupation in WWII) , 

and that all in one week.

That means that my lucky teacher husband always has a week off on my birthday 

and I get to spend all day with the two guys I love most! 

So it's safe to say that the last few days of April 

and the first days of May are my very favorite days of the year.

^ ^ ^ ^

Here a little recap of my favorite moments this week: 

(Sunday is Liberation Day, so you'll get a recap of that next week)

Monday morning: 

snuggles with Papa, who has two weeks off of work!

^ ^ ^ ^

Tuesday / Queens Day:

We head out bright and early to do some treasure hunting at the Queens Day flea market.

We find some cute little All Star Chucks, some books and a toy for Micha. 

When we come home we turn on the TV and watch our Queen abdicate and witness the inauguration of her son Willem-Alexander as our new King.

At the end of the day we head out to our friends place for our annual Queens Day Barbecue. The babies sleep while we eat good food and watch some more of the festivities on TV.

It was a fun day!

^ ^ ^ ^

Wednesday:

Hands down the cutest moment of the week.
Finding Micha sleeping like this during his nap. 

Too cute!

^ ^ ^ ^

Thursday / My Birthday:

I finish making the Lemon Raspberry Cake I started working on on Wednesday afternoon 

and I am quite proud of the result.

It tastes pretty well too! 

I've been eyeing the recipe in my Flour Bakery cookbook for a few years now 

and decided that this year was the year I'd try to make it.

The recipe is four pages long and the long list of ingredients include: 

14 eggs, 6 sticks of butter, about 3 cups of sugar and 10 lemons and more. 

Yes, very, very decadent! But so delicious!

B. and Micha give me presents during breakfast, cookbooks, yay! 

I'm so excited I got this one.

Later we go to a bike shop and I get to pick out a new bike, can't wait to pick it up.

I feel so spoiled!

My parents and oma come over for coffee and cake and in the afternoon my brother and his family visit.

Before dinner we head out to our favorite ice cream shop to get some frozen yogurt. 

In the evening some friends come over for a little birthday party 

and Micha spoils us by being the most well behaved sleeping baby there is. 

He even sleeps through the night ( 6 consecutive hours), the BEST present ever! :)

^ ^ ^ ^

Friday / today:

A quiet, lazy day. A perfect way to end this busy and fun week 

and to get ready for all the fun we'll have this weekend!

How was your week?

Love, Maria

linking up with:

P.s. I won't be blogging much next week, as we'll be gone for a few days. See you all the week after!

A beautiful day

Over the last few days I've been reading 'Veronica decides to die' by Paolo Coelho. 

It's a beautiful, uplifting and crazy story about a girl who decides life isn't worth living anymore and tries to overdose on sleeping pills. But she wakes up in a mental hospital where she's told she has done so much damage to her heart that she'll only have a few days left to live. 

And there she learns what it truly means to live.

It's quite an interesting read and it left me reflecting on my life, I love when books do that to me. 

My very favorite line in the book, the one that still has me thinking,  is found on the last page:

"She would consider each day a miracle, which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. "

I just love this sentiment and the truth behind it. 

Every day really is a miracle, 

and if you're lucky you'll notice it once in a while. 

^ ^ ^ ^

Yesterday was such a day, and at the end of it I felt so alive and blessed and happy.

It was my mama's birthday and I decided to take the train to visit my her and my dad.

The trip was little over an hour and lucky for me Micha fell asleep. Instead of driving I was able to put my feet up and read a book, and just let the train transport me from one train station to the other.

When we arrived at my parents house, my Oma (grandmother) and my Aunts were there as well, 

Micha was so smiley and happy and wrapping all those ladies around his little finger.

four generations

The sun was shining and it was warm so we sat outside and had some wine while we soaked up the rays.

Micha played with his toys in the shade of a tree and I was able to finally chat with my parents face-to-face, instead of Skyping or though a phone call.

We walked out back to the big grassy backyard and looked at the chickens, 

felt the grass between our toes and swung on the swings.

My parents home has never been my house, but still, it feels so much like home. I love it. 

When it was time to go, we took the train back and after a little delay, 

we arrived at the station where B. was waiting for us. 

It was almost bedtime for Micha, his cheeks were flushed and I could tell by his eyes that he was exhausted. 

I felt tired too, but the good kind of tired, the tiredness you feel after a sun filled and fun day.

After Micha was bathed and put to bed, 

B. and I curled up on the couch and ate some pizza, 

the lazy, easy, store bought kind, a perfect meal after a busy day. 

I could feel that this day in the sun had slightly burned my skin as I felt it itch and tingle. 

But I had no regrets.

It had been a beautiful day, filled with adventures, loved ones and warm sunshine.

A day that reminded me of how each day we get to live on this earth is a miracle.

I hope for more days like this one.

Love, Maria

linking up with Marissa today

The Girl Behind the Blog - a vlog

Today I'm posting my first ever vlog, eek!
I feel so awkward in front of the camera.

I'm linking up with The Girl Behind the Blog hosted by Mackenzie and Ashley.
They've asked us to share a bit about our passions other than blogging.
So I thought I'd join in and share a bit about myself.

While I love blogging, there is so much more I love to do. 

And even though I sometimes feel like I don't have any legitimate passions, see this post,  I actually do.

This is a little piece of myself.

^ ^ ^ ^

I could have done the video over and over again to make sure I had the perfect vlog, but you'll just have to do with the normal, stammering, imperfect me. And I'm okay with that!

Enjoy!

Well-p, that was me :)!

Hope you enjoyed my vlog about my passions, I'd love to hear about yours!

Love, Maria

currently

reading: The Lovers' Bedside Book. I found it at a thrift store yesterday and despite the odd, or slightly questionable title it's the most adorable book. It's from 1956 (I have a 1959 copy) and it's filled with the cutest and funniest illustrations by Raymond Peynet, who's work in the time was supposed to be a bit naughty. But for a jaded 21st century girl, it's just plain cute.

for a 1950's illustration this one is pretty up to date

the obscenity! :)

watching: Not much special, just waiting for all the good series to start up again. Did someone say 'Dexter'?

freaking out about: The awesome weather we're supposed to be getting this weekend. Sunny and 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit) , Spring is finally showing her beautiful face. 

Frea. king. out. - in a good way!

loving about my kid: His friendliness towards others. He is so generous with his smiles and it just makes me so happy to see him make others happy. Love him!

playing when papa comes home

loving about my husband: His handsomeness :). And the fact that he loves coming home to Micha and me at the end of the day and starts playing with Micha straight away.

eating: Homemade hummus. So good, and so easy to make. I don't understand why I ever bought the store made stuff.

struggling with: Finding my passion, besides motherhood. I wish I was that kind of person that knew exactly what they wanted with their lives and worked towards it. There are so many things I would love to do: start up a baking business,  work on my photography skills, write a childrens' book with B., really learn how to sew. I just don't know where to start and I'm scared of failure. I really wish I could figure this out.

looking forward too: Seeing my parents in 6(!!) days, after not seeing them since Christmas. They live in Benin, Africa, and they're coming home for six weeks. I can't wait to spend time with them again and celebrate my moms birthday on April 24th. And, lucky me, they'll be here for my birthday on May 2nd, yay!

annoyed with: Our internet, which is horribly slow at the moment. We pay good money for it, so I'm frustrated it isn't working right.  Grr...

^ ^ ^ ^

So, what's up with you currently? 

Leave your link in the comments if you have a similar post, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks for the blog post idea Colleen!

Love, Maria

Love = baking, and a recipe

I find it kind of odd that of all my blog posts I've written since I've started blogging hardly any are a recipe post or a post about baking. 

It's strange because baking is one of my greatest passions.

^ ^ ^ ^

It started when I was a little girl. On Saturday mornings I would sneak downstairs and help my dad bake pancakes for the whole family, or I would watch him on Saturday evening while he was kneading dough for his famous Sunday morning raisin bread. 

I would help my mom bake cookies or watch her make the most amazing birthday cakes. Those cakes were the highlight of every birthday, we had a recipe book with all kinds of fun cakes and every birthday we could choose which one we wanted her to make.

my moms creation for my seventh birthday, a bunny!

I've held on to those traditions, almost every Saturday morning I bake pancakes and as often as I can there's freshly baked raisin bread on the Sunday breakfast table. I bake cookies and muffins and squares whenever I can and I already have BIG plans for Micha's first birthday cake.

^ ^ ^ ^

Baking has always been an emotional thing for me. 

When I yearned for a baby, I baked my sadness away. 

When I quit University, I baked because that was something I actually was good at. 

When friends had babies, there I would be with a basket of muffins for the tired new mom.

When I want to show my man some lovin', I bake whatever he pleases.

And yes, when my monthly fun time (ahum) arrives, it's brownies I bake.

The process of baking gives me so much joy. 

From measuring out all the ingredients to melting chocolate or butter. 

From rolling out pastry to sitting in front of the oven watching my creations rise
and bake and turn into edible happiness. 

I find peace while I'm kneading dough or icing a cake or seeing a pile of pancakes become higher and higher.

And I love that feeling of pride and satisfaction when someone bites into that perfectly crumbly pie crust and their eyes light up and their mouth curls into the biggest smile, 

because it's MY baking that's making them feel like that.

^ ^ ^ ^

I haven't shared a lot recipes on the blog, but I think I'll try to do it once in a while from now on. 

Mind you, I don't have the best photography skills, so don't expect any beautiful food blogger-worthy photo's. 

But what I can do is share some of my favorite recipes and my love for baking. 

Because I really do believe that food tastes better when you put some love and attention into it. 

And that's what makes it so special to me.

^ ^ ^ ^

And now on to my first recipe. 

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies 

(makes about 38 cookies)

I know, I know, everybody knows how to make Chocolate Chips cookies, but this is my go-to recipe. 

I combined a bunch of different recipes to make my perfect cookie.

1 cup butter (at room temperature)

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 cups flour

1 cup quick oats

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup chocolate chips

or for Oatmeal Raisin Cookies add:

1 tsp cinnamon

and replace the chocolate chips with

1 cup raisins

Preheat oven to 375 F/ 190 C

In stand mixer or in a bowl using an electric mixer, beat butter and sugars until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Stir in vanilla. In another stir together flour, oats, baking powder, baking soda and salt; stir into butter mixture until just blended. Stir in chocolate chips.

For the raisin cookies, add the cinnamon with the dry ingredients and stir in raisins instead of the chocolate chips

Roll dough into balls about 11/2 inches/ 4 cm in diameter. Place on ungreased cookie sheets, (you might want to use baking paper) placing balls about 2 inches/ 5 cm apart. On sheet at a time, bake in center of oven for 8-10 minutes or until just golden. Let cool on cookie sheet 1 minute, then transfer to rack to cool completely.

Enjoy!

Love, Maria

linking up with Casey today

five things.

I've seen this '5 things' post all over blogland and on Instagram, and I thought I'd join the fun too.

update: You're actually supposed be tagged to play along, and I wasn't, bad little rule breaker, me! But I just got tagged by Noni, so I'm all legit now :) Thanks Noni!

1 ~ I speak four languages, two of them fluently, Dutch and English, but I can also make myself clear and understand what others are saying in German and French. That's one benefit of going to high school in Holland, and growing up in English speaking countries. 

I would love to raise Micha bilingual, 

I really want him to be able to interact in English with my family and friends in Canada. 

I'm already singing English songs and reading English books to him, hopefully that will help a bit.

^ ^ ^ ^

2 ~ I'm one of seven kids. I have three older brothers, two older sisters and a younger sister. I loved growing up in such a big family, and am already feeling a bit sorry for Micha that he probably won't have many siblings (because of our infertility issues).

^ ^ ^ ^

3 ~ My best friend, Lydia,  lives in Canada and I miss her every day. We met in first grade and have been best friends ever since. We don't see or call each other much, but every single time that we see each other again it's as if we've never missed each other! She's a mama of two adorable boys and I can't wait for that day when our boys will be able to play together, maybe next year?

^ ^ ^ ^

4 ~ My husband is my better half and my very best friend. There is nobody I would rather spend time with than with him. He loves me so much and I love him more than anything! I'm am so grateful that God put us on each others paths at such a young age. 

Fun fact about us: Both our dads are pastors, and they both did a part of our wedding ceremony. 

^ ^ ^ ^

5 ~ I love to read everything and anything with words and I'm a really fast reader.

Remember Dan Browns 'the da vinci code'? I read that in one day. It's the truth.

I just love to lose myself in a good story and just put everything on hold to read. But since Micha was born I haven't read much at all, I should really start reading again!

Love, Maria

I tag Darlene, Erin, Lydia and Abby , and whoever else that wants to play along!

Date Night and a sneaky baby

I'm almost ashamed to admit this but B. and I have only been on a date without baby once! since Micha arrived over 7 months ago. I know! Crazy, right?

That one time was on B.'s birthday, when Micha was 2 months old, 

and all we could do, while we raced through dinner, was wonder how our baby was doing.

Of course he was perfectly fine at our friends where we had brought him, and we ended up spending the rest of the evening at their house while he slept peacefully.

^ ^ ^ ^

One of the reasons we haven't had many date nights is because both of our parents (people we trust with him) don't live very close by. Mine live in Benin, Africa (yes, you heard that right, more about that here) and B.'s parents live about an hours drive from us, which isn't ideal for just a few hours of babysitting.

That's one reason.

Another reason is that we don't want to burden our friends (who we trust with him as well). They have a little one of their own, a week younger that Micha, and while they tell us it's perfectly fine to bring him over, it feels like we're taking advantage of their kindness. I know, it probably has more to do with our feelings than with theirs.

^ ^ ^ ^

But the I think the real reason is that we just can't let go of our baby. 

When I was pregnant, and even before, we swore that we wouldn't become those people , 

you know the ones that are super protective of their kids and won't let anyone near them.

Well, I think we kind of are.... womp, womp, womp.

We don't even take him to the church nursery on Sundays ( 'eww, the germs', 'what if they let him cry?', 'what if some other kid pops something in his mouth and he chokes?', 'he'll die there!')

While I think it's totally normal and okay to be protective of him, I don't want to be that couple that doesn't take time for each other since the baby arrived. It's not healthy at all!

^ ^ ^ ^

We need to practice in letting our baby go. We need start trusting others to take of our baby, like our friends or B.'s sister who would LOVE to watch him. And we need to trust that it will all be okay!

And that's exactly what we're going to do next week Friday! Me and the B. will be going on a date, I can't wait!

And this is what I will wear:

don't mind the random baby paraphernalia 

oops, should have sucked in the belly for this pic..

and now for the sneakiest baby photo bomb....

Love, Maria

linking up with:

and

dear abbyleigh

A coffee date

I've seen this blog post idea on several blogs (i think it originated here) and I always really enjoy reading them, so here goes my version:

If we had a coffee date...

I would welcome you into our little maisonette apartment (an apartment with two floors) and it would smell of freshly baked oatmeal muffins and coffee. 

Micha would be playing on the rug in our living room or in his playpen with a dozen of his toys scattered around him, and probably getting cranky because it's nap time.

I'd offer you a cup of coffee and probably apologize that it's not as good as the stuff I'd fix you at the espresso bar I work at. But it's not about the coffee now, it's about conversation and company on this oddly cold March morning.

I would bring Micha upstairs for his nap and meanwhile you could sneak a peek around the apartment to satisfy your curious nature (what? that's just something I would do?).

^ ^ ^ ^

We would sip our coffee and I would ask you how you're doing? How is life treating you?

I would tell you that I'm  really enjoying this season in life. Yes, there are sleepless nights and normal day-to-day worries. But life is good.

If you're a fellow mommy we would chat about our babies and I would share with you that Micha is showing less interest in nursing and that it's making me feel a little unnecessary and insecure. I'm not ready for him to wean yet and that I'm hoping that this is just phase he's going through.

I would ask you how you're doing it with your baby, and maybe feel a little pang of jealousy if you'd tell me that things are going super smooth.   

(just keeping it real :) )

I would mention that I feel that being a mama is such a blessing but also such a lesson in humility and selflessness, and that it's kinda hard sometimes.

^ ^ ^ ^

Meanwhile our coffee would be getting cold in our mugs and I'd fetch us some more, and bring some muffins along while I'm at it.

We'd munch away at our muffins and enjoy the sun shining through the living room window.

^ ^ ^ ^

I'd tell you that I sometimes feel a bit insecure that I don't have a 'real' job, but that I don't regret my choice to be a stay-at-home mama. Yes, lately it's been a little tight financially, but I would tell you that I believe that God provides for us. I don't mind having a tighter budget for the time being if it means that I can be at home with my baby. 

He'll only be a baby once, and I wouldn't want to miss it for the world!

I would share that having a tighter budget is forcing me to be more creative and that I've found a new hobby in thrifting and restyling clothes.

I would ask you what your passion is and what your dreams are?

^ ^ ^ ^

We would chat away the morning and finally we would hear Micha waking from his nap.

^ ^ ^ ^

I would share with you that I really appreciate having a friend like you, and that it's been a while since I've invested in a friendship. 

I would tell you that I really enjoyed our little coffee date and that we should do it again soon. 

Love, Maria

linking up with:

Love story - Chapter 3: Happily ever after

In celebration of Valentines Day this week, I though it would be fun to share our love story. I've split it up in three chapters. Chapter I, Chapter II and today Chapter III.

Chapter III : happily ever after

After years of chasing each other around the bush we finally were dating again in the summer I turned sixteen. We were young and in love and what we had together was very good.

And then during yet another summer, I had just turned 18 years old, I jeopardized this good thing we had going. 

^ ^ ^ ^

Ever since my family had moved from Canada to Holland when I was ten, I would once in a while spend a summer in Canada with my sisters family and my best friend, Lydia. 

I had finally saved up enough money to make another trip across the pond, and I could not wait to get on board that plane.

B. didn't have the money to come along, so I was going by myself and didn't really mind. We had been going out for quite a while now, and I was looking forward to doing something by myself for a change. I would spend the summer in Canada and he would spend his with his family camping in France. 

We promised to write each other letters, and phone each other at least once a week.

But as soon as the plane hit the tarmac in Toronto I was in another world, where there was no place for anyone or anything back at home. 

> I was going through an identity crisis at the time, and had no idea where I belonged. I didn't really like my life in Holland, apart from my boyfriend, and Canada was like 'the promised land' to me. Oh,  the complicated life of a 'Third Culture Kid' ! <

I had arranged to work as a counselor at a Christian Summer Camp for underprivileged kids and I couldn't wait. 

Being 'the girl from Europe' I got quite a bit of attention from the male counselors and because I had been dating since I was sixteen and awkward I hadn't realized that I had turned into a young woman that wasn't particularly ugly. 

I was pleasantly surprised and flattered by the attention I got, and 'forgot' the fact that I had a boyfriend at home.

In the next few weeks I got caught up in the attention and flirting from the Canadian boys and stopped calling and writing B. Whenever he called me, I would be distant and uninterested. 

I was confused, was I still in love with him, or did my flirting with others mean I should break up with him? 

And  he was equally confused and also hurt. He didn't understand why I was being so distant but kept calling  and sending me cards and emails, even though I didn't answer him back.

reading Seventeen magazine

^ ^ ^ ^

The summer came to an end, and I had to go back to Holland. I remember sitting on the plane wondering how I would tell B. about my confusion about us. And if there should even be an 'us' anymore. I was so nervous.

B. had come along with my parents to pick me up at the airport, and he was just as nervous. 

I walked through the gates and there he was, my boyfriend. And I knew straight away that I wasn't done with him. Things had changed over the summer, I had changed and made mistakes, but I had also matured.

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It took some time for us to get used to each other again, but we did and when we did our relationship was better, our bond tighter and our love stronger than what it had been before.

It was as if this summer of confusion was necessary for us to move from an adolescent relationship to a more mature one.  

But that doesn't take away the fact that I cringe every time I think about what I put B. through that summer. I hate that I hurt him and confused him, and I still feel so sorry about that.

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Two years later on a February night B. proposed to me and the following August we tied the knot.

We were both poor students and had no money, but what we wanted was a marriage, the wedding didn't matter! 

And still, our wedding was the most beautiful one I have ever experienced. It was small and simple, filled with love and with friends and family around us. My beautiful dress was sewn by my mom and the flowers were arranged by B.'s grandma. We had a barbecue in my parents back yard and danced under the stars until our feet were sore and the lawn was ruined.

wedding bbq

wedding fun

And since that day, through all the good times, but also through the hardships, our love has grown stronger and more beautiful than we could have ever it imagined it to be. 

I thank God everyday for my man!

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This is our love story so far, to be continued!

Love,  Maria

Missed the first two chapters? 

Here they are:

Chapter I

Chapter II