Monday, May 13, 2013

Bitter Sweet Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. 
My first Mother's Day as a mama. 

I got to sleep in, 
when I came downstairs there was a delicious breakfast waiting for me, 
and on my plate stood a card with the sweetest words written in it.
On the balcony was my present: a hanging strawberry plant, 
with little green fruits waiting to ripen into those sweet red berries I love so much.
At church we witnessed a baby being baptized, a sweet little girl, the youngest of six.
And I cuddled with my beautiful baby boy.

It was a day of blessings.
It was a beautiful day.

And yet...

something felt off. 
I just couldn't help but think of the girl I was the last few Mother's Days.
Yes, last year was a special one, I was almost a mama. 
My belly growing with a miraculous new life.

But the Mother's Day before that, and the ones before?
Those were so painful. 
I was a woman yearning to be a mama, 
and with every Mother's Day passing without a baby in my arms it got harder and harder.
Would I ever be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother?

Yesterday that dream came true. 
And it was beautiful, 

but also so bitter sweet.

There are so many women out there who will never see their dream of becoming a mother come true 
and my heart breaks for them.

I am the lucky one, undeserved.

Mother's Day will always be a day when I will remember that.

update: (because my mom is right, love her!) 
I feel so blessed, and I am so thankful to be Micha's mama.

Love, Maria


  1. Yes, Maria, but you cuddled with your beautiful baby boy and it was a day full of blessings.
    It was a beautiful day, you are allowed to be thankful and treasure that!
    Lots of love, your thankful motherMarijke <3

  2. Yes! Yes! Yes! We are so lucky. :) It's so bittersweet.

  3. i am so glad that you got to celebrate mother's day this year. Your time is here and you are a mom! and what a sweet heart you have too, to know and remember that pain and longing to be a mom. something that I think makes this day even more special for you.

  4. A good reminder - thank you!
    Love you, Maria, and so happy you're a mama

  5. Beautifully said. I have a friend who has been trying for over three years and my heart just aches for her and for all the others out there who want to be parents but can't. It really isnt fair.

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  7. Hey Maria! I hopped over from the comment signature you left ;) I had a bittersweet Mother's Day as well. We just lost my grandmother 2 weeks ago. My grandma wasn't just a grandma, she was the best mother I have ever known. And having my kids is what got me through Mother's Day. Instead of focusing on what I had lost, I focused on what I had; 3 beautiful babies who call me mom. I understand where you're coming from but you shouldn't feel as if you aren't deserving. People leave this planet all too soon and you should feel blessed and grateful you have a son to love, who loves you back. Feel compassionate for those less fortunate and cannot have children but focus on the blessing you have been given. YOU were chosen to be this little boy's mommy and that is pretty awesome!

    High Heels and Training Wheels

  8. totally now what you mean, my first mothers day after miscarriage, so much felt the same. to experience such difficulties makes one sensitive, to treasure what we have and to feel and pray with the hurting... it changed me, better to say God changed me:)... love the pictures, pic no. 1 is just to cute, love Michas naked chubby feet:)



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